Miscarriage: A Brief Testimony

Last April, I was asked to share my testimony regarding miscarriage and “how God met me there” during a special service of remembrance (specifically for those who had experienced the death of a child during pregnancy or early infancy) hosted by Wilmore United Methodist Church here in Kentucky. I thought it was a wonderful way for a church to support grieving families and I was honored to be a part of it. Today, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day (October 15), seems like an appropriate day to share that testimony again, which you will see below. I end three of the paragraphs with the phrase, “He is” because this is a testimony of then and now. I am still walking with God on this path and he is still healing, guiding, and loving me every step of the way.

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All four of my pregnancies ended in miscarriage. There was little intentional grieving with the first three, so the fourth loss, which occurred in 2010 during the 13th week of pregnancy, left me physically, spiritually, and emotionally broken. God, in his mercy, met me in my grief.

And, perhaps for the first time, truly, I met God.

When I was heartbroken and lonely, God comforted me. He whispered songs over me, which I still readily recall today. He tenderly turned my heart toward his people who loved me and restored my strength through their kind words, their prayers, their hugs, their food, and their friendship.

When I was angry, God listened, embraced me in my tantrumed state, and (through the counsel of my husband) reassured me that he was more than capable of handling my big, raw emotions. And He is.

When I was a wanderer lost deep in the rocky dessert of envy and yearning, God found me, held out his hand, and said, “I am the good shepherd, I am all you need.” And He is.

Through God’s gentle healing, my womb—which I once disdained as one who had been repeatedly betrayed—I now regard as a beautiful and sacred space where my four precious babies quietly lived and died, deeply loved and wanted.

Miscarriage often renders to those of us who experience it a heightened awareness of the thin veil between life and death as we’ve experienced both so intimately, in body and in heart. I once feared the thinness of the veil, now I marvel at it.

Sometimes the veil seems not thin enough.

Miscarrying my babies placed me on a path where I am constantly – vividly – reminded of God as my loving father and the source of all life. And He is.

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Please remember to pause and light at candle tonight at 7:00 p.m. (all time zones) to participate in the annual Wave of Light. I’ll be remembering my babies and your babies, too. ♡

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